How Far We've Come
by ShadowsDaughter
Summary: <html><head></head>Sam needs to find his brother... make things right. Dean wanted to forget his human ways so Sam would have a better life, but now he needs to find his brother... make things right. Sam's kidnapped by a man who wants revenge on Dean. But the man underestimated the bond between the Winchesters. They'd always put each other first in the end. S10E01 AU. Rated M to be safe. Wincest.</html>
1. Chapter 1

"_How do I know he's still alive?" _

The man on the phone turned and held out the phone towards Sam who had a worried look on his face. _What would Dean do? Would he come save him? Let him die? Or let this guy torture him? _

"Speak." The guy commanded but Sam just stared up at him, defiant. He wasn't going to do what this guy told him. Plus… he didn't even know what he'd say. Run? Because he didn't want his brother dead. Save me? Because he wasn't sure his brother would want to save him. He just came up blank. And because of his distracted mind, he didn't see the fist coming towards his face until his head whipped back. A cry left his lips and he could hear the man continue talking but then the man hung up and seemed pissed off.

"You know, I've heard things about you Sam Winchester." The man said as he paced back and forth in front of Sam who eyed him warily. "Heard what happens when you get a taste of something."

"What?" Sam blinked, confused, and watched as the man walked to his bag and pulled out a water bottle. But what made Sam's heart stop for a beat was what the bottle contained. What was inside was not clear, but a familiar red, thick liquid that had his heart rate increase and his mouth water while his mind rebelled. He knew what that was. Demon blood. "Please, don't." Sam whispered as the man slowly walked up to him.

"I normally would either use you as bait-but since your brother said he didn't care what happened to you and I could tell he meant it—or, I would just kill you as I'm not really a torture kind of guy. But you see, I just can't let Dean slip away. So, who better to make him hurt than you?" The man said before stopping in front of a panicked Sam.

"Man, look, let's figure something out. Maybe—"

"Oh, no. Dean Winchester needs to pay and the part of him that still feels for you is going to hurt as it's going to be _you _who hurts him and the demon part? Well, we both know how good you are at hurting demons." The look in the man's eye unsettled Sam and he knew that anything he said wouldn't make a difference. He clenched his jaw tight and his eyes narrowed in a glare. "Now, let's get to it. Shall we?"

The man opened the bottle of blood and walked behind Sam. Sam tried to keep him in his peripheral vision but then the man's arm was around his neck, choking him. Sam tried to fight him off, knowing that if he passed out the man would just pour it down his throat. But then an elbow to his shoulder had him crying out and the man didn't waste the opportunity. He shoved the bottle opening into Sam's mouth and the blood just poured down. Sam tried to cough it up, but the man still was mostly choking him and he knew he needed to breathe. Soon…. The bottle was empty.

"There we go!" The man grinned as he walked back to his bag. Sam's eyes fluttered closed as the familiar tingle in his body flowed. He opened his eyes and let out a sigh. His arm felt better already, he could feel his body rushing the healing process. God, he had missed the stuff. But then he saw his phone on the table by the bag and rationality flooded back. This man was using him to hurt Dean. He couldn't let himself get caught up in this.

"Your plan won't work. You can't make me do anything." Sam growled out.

"No… I might not be able to make you do anything, but once I've gotten you addicted to the blood and mess with your mind… well, you won't be quite so stable anymore and anything can happen. I know you want to go after your brother and he will probably start something. I just have a feeling you'll finish it." The man said with a smile and Sam's eyes narrowed into a glare once more.

"I thought you weren't the torturing kind of guy."

"Oh, I meant torturing humans. But you're not quite human. Isn't that right?" The man mused before pulling another bottle out of the bag. He opened it and with a twist of his heel splashed some onto Sam's face but then placed the half full bottle onto the table. Sam blinked a few times, trying to clear his vision but then he tasted the blood on his lips. A small moan escaped him as his tongue slowly licked what was on his lips. A chuckle had him looking up to see the man grabbing some chains.

"You're going to regret doing this." Sam promised as the man wrapped the chains around Sam's torso and then hooked the chains somewhere behind Sam so if Sam managed to escape the chair he wouldn't be able to go anywhere.

"Maybe… but I'll get some results as well so I'll say it was a success." The man said before picking his bag up off the table. "I'll see you in a few days, Sam!"

Then the man left, closing and locking the door behind him.

"Oh, no." Sam breathed out as his eyes focused on the table. He told himself he was looking at his phone, that he needed to call Cas. But really, his eyes were focused on the bottle of blood. In the back of his mind, he heard a small, rational voice say he was screwed. And he knew he was.

- One Month Later -

"Where is he?" His green eyes blinked and the blackness that swallowed his eyes showed how angry he was.

"How would I know where your brother is?" Crowley rolled his eyes as he lounged back on the couch of the motel Dean was currently at.

"I know you, Crowley. You wouldn't let a possible threat like Sam just slip through your fingers. You'd keep a watch on him." Dean crossed his arms.

He had managed to keep himself from thinking about his brother until that day in the bar when Crowley talked to Sam. Had managed to convince himself that things were better this way. That Sam would have a better life. But the part of him that was still human ached at the loss of his brother, wanted to rush to his side. Hadn't even wanted to leave. But at first, the human part had been so small it was like a speck. But each day it grew. That was why he always wanted to drink, it helped keep his mind foggy and from thinking of his brother.

"I don't know where your brother is. I'm telling you the truth." Crowley sighed and Dean saw the slight worry in Crowley's eyes. Something was up. "We lost track of your brother about a month ago. The last I heard was that he was headed toward us when we had our last conversation together."

"No." Dean shook his head, his anger turning to rage. That man couldn't have killed Sammy, right? Couldn't have…

"Yes, I'm afraid your Moose is either dead or he has gotten himself into a bit of trouble." Crowley said and rose to his feet, straightening his suit jacket.

"If I found out you had anything to do with this, Crowley, you're dead." Dean growled, pulling the First Blade from the back of his pants. The small spark of fear in the King of Hell's eyes had Dean's demon purring with satisfaction. The demon part of him wanted to find Sam as well, wanted to make sure he was safe. But the reasoning was fucked up. It saw Sam as his, and Dean, the human part, agreed but not in the way the demon part did. It was fucked up, Dean knew this but he couldn't care about that at the moment. He needed to find his brother.

"I'll send out some of my people to start looking for him." Crowley said and grabbed his jacket but then Dean grabbed his arm, preventing him from being able to leave.

"You're not telling me something."

"Ah, it's always a spectacular thing when you manage to use that brain of yours." Crowley said with a smirk.

"What are you keeping from me?" Dean demanded.

"Lots of things, but what I think you're referring to is this…" Crowley sighed and yanked his arm from Dean's grip. "Demons have started to go missing. Not AWOL, as they know what I'd do to them, and no one is killing them publicly, and none are being sent back to Hell." Crowley turned and walked a few paces away until his back was to Dean who was watching him with an annoyed, yet confused expression. "If I didn't know better, I'd say your brother is back to his old ways." And with that, the King was gone, leaving Dean to process the information alone.

"Killed but not sent back to Hell?" Dean muttered before realization hit him and his hand around the blade tightened. "Oh, Sammy. What the hell are you doing?" He growled. "Or what is that man doing to you?" His eyes clicked black. He needed to find his brother.

* * *

><p><strong>Ever since the preview for the new season, I've had this idea floating in my head of how far Sam would go for Dean and while watching the episode, things sort of just clicked in place. If you're not a fan of Wincest, then this is not the story for you. The fic is rated M to be on the safe side as I'm sur I'm going to end up going down the M path. I hope you all enjoy this fic as much as I know I'm going to.<strong>

**Please leave a review to let me know your thoughts. **

**-Shadow**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

_Two Weeks after Being Taken_

"C'mon, Sammy!" The man, who still didn't tell Sam what his name was, encouraged from where he was standing, leaning against the wall. Sam ignored Mr. Psycho as he had taken to calling him. When he had asked what he was to call him, the man shrugged and said he wasn't going to give a name in case Sam somehow managed to contact someone.

"Please!" The demon that was tied up begged as Psycho threw another knife that landed in the shoulder of the female meat suit.

Sam's hands were shaking, his body was screaming for more blood. Psycho was only giving him blood when he managed to kill a demon and the amounts were usually small once he learned of Sam's telekinesis when Sam had tried to kill him by mentally throwing a wrench at his head. But once in a while, Psycho would leave a large bottle for Sam but Sam was so tied up he didn't know how to undo anything.

"Sam, you're boring me." Psycho sighed and grabbed his journal which had the incantation for an exorcism. Sam's hands clenched into fists at the thought of not getting the blood in the demon's body. It had been two days since he last had some and his body hurt. He wasn't sure why, but the effects of not having the blood seemed to be stronger than they used to be. "Alright, then." Psycho said and took a deep breath as he opened the journal.

"Wait!" The word escaped him before he realized he had said anything. His face was covered in sweat, his hair hanging in his blood shot eyes but the fire in the gaze had Psycho nodding and stepping back. Sam raised a hand and narrowed his eyes as he focused on the demon.

"No, please!" The demon begged, having seen what happened to previous demon. "I'll help you find Crowley!" The offer had him pausing.

"If you don't end her, I will, and you know what that means, Sam." Psycho said, waving the journal in the air.

"What about Crowley?" Sam asked but the demon looked around the room, a desperate expression on her face and Sam knew the demon had nothing. He narrowed his mind and within a minute, the demon was screaming and then with a _boom_ the demon was dead, its essence leaving a black stain on the floor matching the others.

"Great! You're getting faster." Psycho grinned and grabbed a water bottle from his pocket. It was the normal amount, just a few mouthfuls but it had Sam straining against his restraints. The man opened the bottle and unlike the first time the man had demon blood, Sam opened his mouth for the blood, needing it.

"I hate you." Sam muttered when it was all gone and Psycho just laughed before taking another bottle out of his pocket. "No! Please!" Sam begged and he got a look that showed how annoyed Psycho was. It only took a punch and a yank and the second liquid was poured down his throat. The taste was rancid, making him want to puke but he never could when he tried.

"See you tomorrow, Sammy boy!" Psycho waved and was gone, leaving a shaking Sam who was squeezing his eyes shut.

"Sammy." The voice was so familiar that he knew not to respond. "C'mon, man, look at me!"

Sam just shook his head. At first when Psycho gave him whatever it was, Sam had thought it had really been Dean there to save him. How wrong he was.

"Sammy…" There was groan of pain and a raspy cough that had Sam's eyes opening even though he didn't want to. "There you are." The grin was familiar as was the whole body but the edge to the smile and the black eyes had Sam shivering. "You are the reason I'm like this, you know, Sammy. And when it's time…" Dean tilted his head and crossed his arms. "When it's time, I'm going to enjoy killing you. Torturing you. Making you pay for this."

"Dean, please." Sam got out in a broken whisper as tears filled his eyes.

"Why would you let this happen to me!" Dean roared and Sam winced. "All the pain in my life is your fault, Sam!"

"I know!" Sam yelled out, his throat feeling raw.

"I don't think you do." Dean said and crouched so he and Sam were at the same level. "But you will."

Sam just closed his eyes, letting the tears run down his cheeks, wishing he could have saved his brother.

_Three Weeks and a Half after being Taken_

"That's it, draw the pain out." Psycho's voice encouraged and Sam let a smirk overtake his features at the pain he was causing in the demon.

"That's it, Sammy. Hurt him like you've hurt me."

Sam ignored Dean's voice and let the rush of being restrained only by a chain on his ankle run through him. He knew he should try escaping, but what was the point? He knew he wouldn't be able to kill Dean and Dean would probably kill him. It was better to stay where he was and train himself so he could kill Crowley. Not that Psycho didn't have something coming for him as well, but Sam liked the arrangement at the moment.

"You're doing so well." Psycho said, coming up to Sam's side. "How much longer do you think you could keep this up?"

"A while." Sam replied. There wasn't even a strain doing this. Maybe he was a little tired like when he would run up a couple flights of steps but that was all.

"I think I'll increase your dosage." Psycho said and crossed his arms.

"Sammy…"

"Of which?" Sam asked.

"I think we're done with the other drug. You'll only be getting the blood now." Psycho said and the relief that sang through Sam had his body relaxing and the power he was surging into the demon increase, making screams ring out.

"Sammy…"

Sam swallowed and tried not to focus on Dean who was standing on the other side of him.

"You're leaving me?" Dean's voice floated into his ear and guilt rammed its way into Sam even though he knew this Dean wasn't real.

"Yes." Sam said aloud, Psycho nodding thinking Sam was agreeing with him but really Sam was answering Dean. The tear filled eyes and the jerky nod made his heart twist. Whatever the drug Psycho had him taking was designed to cause as much pain to the victim as possible in whatever form needed.

It was a bitch to deal with. But he needed to focus all his energy into being able to kill Crowley. He had nothing left other than that.

-With Dean, Day after Previous Dean Scene-

"What have you learned?" Dean asked as he sipped at his beer. He looked relaxed like he had no cares in the world, but it was quite the opposite. Dean had threatened a good amount of demons to look for his brother. Some agreed immediately, knowing he was close to Crowley, some agreed once threatened, and some just said no and they died by having the First Blade shoved into their bodies.

"Now, mate, it's only been a day since I started and—"

"It's been a month since he's been missing. In a day anything can happen to him." Dean snapped at Crowley who just looked away.

"Unless he's already dead." Crowley shrugged and Dean's eyes shot to black and back to normal as his anger surged through him.

"If he's dead, so are you and anyone else that hurt him or gets in my way." Dean growled out and Crowley raised an eyebrow.

"Testy, are we?"

"There's no 'we', Crowley." Dean spat out and ignored the small wave of hurt he saw in Crowley's eyes that vanished as soon as it appeared.

"Well, it so happens I do have some news." Crowley said and slide a piece of paper over to Dean that had addresses scrawled on it. "Those are all the places my demons were taken."

"All within a day's worth drive." Dean murmured, looking at the addresses. "So he's close."

"Yes, unless they've moved. There hasn't been a demon disappearance in almost five days." Crowley sighed and Dean frowned, wondering what that meant. "They all seem to be centered around a small town that is mostly farm land. Last address on the list. My guess is he's around there somewhere. Or was."

"Yeah." Dean grunted and got to his feet, yanking on his jacket.

"Leaving?" Crowley asked, giving Dean a look he couldn't decipher.

"Obviously. I need to find Sam." Dean said and walked away.

"Have fun." He heard Crowley murmur and frowned, confused once more. But the moment he stepped outside and made his way around the building to his truck, he found out what Crowley meant.

"Three of you?" Dean said as he pulled out the First Blade. "This'll be fun."

The first demon shot at him, trying to tackle Dean but Dean twisted, throwing the demon on the ground, plunging the blade into her stomach before ripping it out, blood splattering, as he was hit on the side of the head. He swept out his leg, knocking one of the demons to the floor before he punched the other. He twisted her around and slid the knife through her throat, her body falling to the floor, her head still in Dean's hand. The last demon hesitated and Dean chuckled before tossing the head aside and stomping up to the demon who just yelled out as the First Blade killed him.

He didn't try to clean up the bodies, he just got into his truck and started it up.

"I'm coming, Sammy." Dean whispered as he whipped out of the parking space. He'd find his Sammy and then everything would be okay.

* * *

><p><strong>I'm so glad that people like this story. THANK YOU to those who have reviewed, favorited, and put me and this story on their alert list. I hope you guys continue to love this story like I do. I wanted to get this chapter out as I don't like having finished works that can be uploaded kept on my USB. Continue to share the love, guys!<strong>

**Please leave a review to let me know your thoughts. **

**-Shadow**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

_A Month after being Taken_

"I'm ready." Sam said, knowing he was at his prime. Any improvement would be minimal. There wasn't a need to work anymore with Psycho.

"I don't know," Psycho sighed as he cleaned his knives. The last demon was finally dead after days of torturing it and there wasn't any more in line to be tortured or killed.

"I'm ready." Sam repeated, his eyes narrowing into a glare. "You know, for a while now I could have left but I've stayed around because I needed to get back into my powers."

"I doubt you'd be able to leave without me letting you." Psych snorted as he packed up his things. Anger rose in Sam and his glare narrowed.

"You want to bet?" Sam murmured as Psych grabbed his bag and started towards the door.

"See you tomorrow, Sammy!" Psycho called out his goodbye but with a tilt of his head, Sam had the door slammed shut when Psycho tried to walk out and the chain around his ankle was undone. Psycho froze before slowly turning to Sam with a blank expression.

"I said, I'm ready. I'm leaving. It's up to you if you live or not." Sam said rising to his full height from where had been perched and slowly walked up to Psycho who was slowly, but surely, beginning to look nervous.

"I'm not going down without a fight." Psycho warned him as he put his bag on the ground, reaching into the bag. Sam's eyebrows lowered, wondering what he was doing. "But that fight won't happen today, Sammy." Psych said and there was a loud beep before air started blowing into the barn. Sam whirled around to see some yellow tint to the air.

"No!" Sam growled and turned back towards Psycho only to duck as a knife was chucked at his head. He saw Psycho try to run to the door.

"_Sammy_…"

"I hope you go to Hell." Sam said and with a twist of his fingers, Psycho's neck was snapped. Sam was determined to leave, ride out what was in his system but his vision spun and he fell to his knees as a familiar pair of legs walked up to him.

"Guess you're not leaving me yet, Sammy." Dean murmured as Sam fell on his side, his head spinning. "We're going to have so much fun." Dean grinned and Sam could only moan and close his eyes, wondering how long the drug would continue to pollute the air.

-With Dean, Day after Previous Scene/Day after Sam kills Psycho-

"Where are you, Sam?" Dean sighed as he walked out of the police station. No one had seen a FBI agent or anyone with Sam's description, just like in the previous town. Dean doubted Crowley had lied to him. There'd be no point as Crowley knew what would happen to him if he betrayed Dean.

He got into his truck but ended up just sitting there, feeling at a loss. Under the worry and the confusion there was a desperate longing and rage that was coming from the darkest parts of him. Since he started to allow the human part of him to mix in and lighten the darkness of his soul, Dean found himself aching to have his brother at his side once more. There was a part of him he had thought to be squashed arising once more and changing how he saw things.

Rooming for so long and so close with someone, things were bound to happen. Like seeing the other naked, like walking in on the other's 'special' time, like seeing parts of the other that no one else was ever allowed to see. Dean and Sam had a bond that resembled that of an old married couple that had been together their whole life.

Dean found himself lusting after his brother once more, found himself feeling deeper feelings than a man should have for his brother.

He didn't try to push the feelings away, didn't want to, but he couldn't allow himself to dwell on them for too long because his focus needed to be on finding his little brother and killing whoever was responsible for all of this. He glanced at the clock and sighed, deciding to get to the next town that was only about an hour away. It was later, almost seven, and he wanted to be up early the next day to look for his brother.

It was a few miles outside the next town that Dean saw something odd. It was dark out, no one would be out working on their farms and this barn was out in the middle of a field, partially hidden by trees. There were lights on in the barn, and a car parked by the doors. He glanced in his mirrors before whipping across the road and started down the dirt road that led to the barn. Once he got to the barn, he immediately jumped out but paused at an odd smell. It was very faint but it was nasty smelling and had his mark itching. Something was up.

He pulled out the First Blade and slowly made his way to the barn doors, yanking the doors open, ready to jump whatever was in the barn. He paused at the body only a few feet in front of him. The head was at an odd angle and Dean knew the man's neck was broken. But the dead man left his mind completely when he caught sight of the one person he had been aching to see_. Sammy_.

Sam was curled up in the farthest corner, two empty bottles on the ground by his shaking body. Blood had obviously been in the bottles from the red stain.

"Sam?" Dean called and Sam just shook his head and dug his face into his arms, his body shaking. Concern flooded Dean and he ran to his little brother, dropping the blade to ground when he fell to his knees at Sam's side. "Sammy?"

"Please, just stop!" Sam cried out. Dean could hear the tears in his brother's voice and while he was still very concerned, he was getting angry. Something had happened to Sam to make him like this.

"It's me, Sammy. I'm not gonna hurt you." Dean said and rested a hand on Sam's arm slowly. Sam jerked away and his head whipped up to send Dean a glare that would have made him chilled if he had been human still. Sam really needed to shave and looked like he could stand to sleep for a few days straight. But that wasn't what made Dean wary. No. It was the blood stained around his brother's mouth and the crazy, on edge look in his eye that had Dean remembering how Sam was when he was hallucinating Lucifer.

"I'm not going to fall for your tricks anymore!" Sam growled out and Dean's eyebrows raised as he tried to figure out what was going on his brother's mind.

"Sam, it's me, Dean." Dean didn't know what else to say but obviously it was the wrong thing because Sam growled out something under his breath. Dean raised a hand to touch his brother again, thinking if he could convince Sam he was really himself that he would calm but before he could touch Sam, Sam's hand was whipping up and Dean was flying back, crashing through the wall of the barn.

-Sam-

Sam had gave up trying to reason with the Dean hallucination, knowing it would just give him more ammo to use against Sam. Once he stopped feeling like he was dying, he managed to get to Psycho's bag and find two bottles of blood. It helped him physically but he was still disoriented and Dean was still there, spewing off what he could to hurt Sam. Dean prevented him from sleeping so he was exhausted and he felt like he was losing his mind once more.

So when Dean had disappeared for a while, he figured it was trick and when Sam would try to leave, Dean would come back with a vengeance. He didn't want to try driving anywhere with the drug in his system still. He had thought the drug had run its course when Dean returned. But it was odd, he wasn't speaking as much as usual which had put Sam on edge. And when Dean would touch him, he thought he was actually feeling it.

"Sam, it's me, Dean." Dean said and the anger in Sam overflowed. He was sick of the mind games, sick of the drug, and he just wanted it to stop. So he lashed out with his powers, knowing nothing would happen. But when Dean was thrown into the air and took down a good portion of the wall as he flew through it, Sam was a little more than surprised.

"Dean?" Sam muttered and then was rushing to his feet and across to the opening. Feeling it was real, he knew that the drug was out of his system. So that meant…

"Sammy, you're a little more powerful than I remember you being." Dean groaned out as he pushed himself up into a sitting position.

"Dean?" Sam repeated, tears filling his eyes. Dean had come for him. Why?

"Hey, Sammy." Dean said with a half-smile with a warmth that had tears running down Sam's cheeks.

"You're real. You came for me." Sam managed to get out and fell to his knees.

"Woah!" Dean cried out and ran to his brother, his hands holding Sam up by his shoulders. "You need to be careful, Sam. You look ready to pass out any second."

"You came for me." Sam repeated and brought up a hand to touch Dean's chest, feeling the warmth.

"Yeah, I did." Dean nodded and Sam crushed his older brother to him. He needed the comfort that Dean always brought to him. Dean didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around Sam and Sam let a sob escape him, feeling like a battery that was drained. "I'm here, Sammy. I won't let anything else happen to you. I promise."

"I've missed you," Sam managed to choke out through his tears and Dean tightened his grip on Sam.

"I've missed you, too, man. More than you know." Dean muttered and a small smile crept onto Sam's lips. "I'm not leaving you again, Sammy. I promise."

The two continued to hold each other, both feeling whole again. Neither wanted the moment to end.

* * *

><p><strong>Here's the next chapter. I hope you all like it! I know I had some feels at the end here. (:<strong>

**Please leave a review to let me know your thoughts. **

**-Shadow**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Dean didn't leave his brother's side once they got to a motel. Dean had put Sam into his truck and told him to stay there. Dean took care of the bodies and the barn, not wanting anything to tie back to his brother. But before he did so, he made sure to grab the guy's wallet. He wanted to make sure that no one would come after him or his brother. He had thought Sam would have passed out in the thirty minutes it took to take care of the bodies, but Sam was forcing himself awake. Dean didn't question it. But as soon as they started down the road, Sam passed right out, a hand on Dean's leg.

When they got to the motel, Dean paid and got the room key, keeping the truck parked in lot rather than drive up to the door. He didn't want Sam to be seen as he was. Dean's heart twisted in a not so good way when he was bringing Sam who was mostly still asleep into the room.

"Don't leave me." Sam had managed to mumble out before passing out when he was laid out on the bed. Dean grabbed his bag from the truck then locked the door behind him and making sure the blinds were closed. He then grabbed a chair and put it next to Sam's bed, within touching distance before just sitting there, watching his brother. Every now and then his hand would skim Sam's before resting under his chin.

He was so relieved to have Sam back at his side, but he was worried. How long would it take for Sam to heal from whatever that asshole did to him? His hands would clench into fists often as his anger came and went. Part of him wanted to find a way to bring that asshole back to live and then torture him like he obviously tortured Sam but he needed to be there Sam. Sam was more important.

There was also the dark, possessive part of him that was finally relaxed since Sam was there but now he had to suppress the urge to claim his brother. He still wasn't fighting his feelings. He wanted his brother as a lover, it was a fact. But, he was still Sam's big brother and he would never do anything to hurt Sam again. He wouldn't force Sam into anything no matter the hurt he felt. The demon part agreed in part, but it wanted Sam more.

"Dean?" A raspy voice pulled Dean from his thoughts and he was leaning over Sam right away, concern in his eyes.

"I'm here, Sammy." Dean assured Sam whose face relaxed some before grimacing. "What is it?" Dean asked, the concern in his voice obvious.

"I don't feel good," Sam whined and rolled onto his back. A small smile crept onto Dean's lips at the memories of Sam being sick when he was young.

"I bet. You just rest, you'll feel better soon." Dean said, pulling the blanket up Sam's body who just sighed.

"You still be here?" Sam asked, already drifting off. Dean chuckled at Sam's speech but nodded.

"Yeah, man. I'll still be here." With that, Sam drifted off again.

Dean let out a sigh, looking around the room. He didn't want to leave Sam, but knew Sam would need some things. He glanced at the clock and his eyebrows raised at the time. It was almost six in the morning. He got to his feet and glanced out the window.

"Huh." Dean said as he saw the sky lighting up. He decided in two hours he'd go shopping for food and such. He didn't think that anything open would have something healthy for Sam. The motel had a crappy looking kitchen area but he'd be able to cook. In the two hours, he showered, shaved, and cleaned the kitchen area so they wouldn't catch anything because of the dirtiness. Then he left a note by Sam's side before leaving quietly, making sure to lock the door.

-With Sam-

Consciousness came to Sam slowly and he stretched, feeling a relaxedness in him that he hadn't felt in a while. It wasn't until he realized he was laying down that he freaked out. He shot out of the bed and stumbled to his feet, not seeing the note that drifted to the floor. He glanced around the room, confused until he remembered the night before.

Dean.

Dean had found him.

But where was his brother?

Tears came to his eyes as he realized Dean had found him, put him in a motel room, and then left him. He stormed into the bathroom and paused when he saw the razor, wet towel and a shirt hanging on the towel rack. If Dean was leaving, why would he leave a shirt? The mess? Not that shocking. But he would have cleared out completely. Right?

Then Sam caught his reflection in the mirror and grimaced. He glanced in the shower and saw some soap and shampoo. He didn't hesitate to yank off his dirty clothing and turn on the water. As soon as the water hit him, he felt better. He felt great when he was clean. And it wasn't until he was shaved that he felt human again. But then he noticed the small red line running down his neck and to his chest. He had nicked himself.

"Shit." Sam muttered as his mind suddenly focused on the blood. It felt like his veins were tightening. He needed blood. Where was he going to get blood? He clenched his fists but forced himself to take a deep breath. He couldn't get too emotional because if he did then the hunger for it would grow. He stormed out of the bathroom, taking the towel around his hips to wipe the blood off of him. But he paused when saw a duffel full of clothes.

So Dean hadn't left. Was just gone for the moment?

Relief hit him and his knees wobbled for a second before he forced himself to move. He dug in his brother's clothes until he found the one pair of basketball shorts his brother owned. Dean's pants would be too short so the shorts were a better fit. He yanked on a t-shirt as well before turning to look around the room. Where would Dean have gone? And how long had he been gone?

Then he saw the white against the dirty tan of the carpet.

**Sammy-**

**Went to the store. Will be back soon. Don't have a total chick moment and freak?**

**-Dean**

Sam laughed as he read the note, feeling his shoulders relax completely. Dean knew him so well. But was he still his Dean? Still the Dean who would do anything for him? He sighed and ran a hand down his face, letting the note fall onto the bed. He collapsed onto the bed, holding his head, which was beginning to pound, and tried to push the need away. He didn't like it, but he was addict. And it was a necessity. Crowley needed to pay, even if Dean was at his side again. This was all his fault.

Anger surged through him again and he was on his feet, punching the wall before he knew it. His emotions were heightened because of the blood, or lack of. He knew that rationally but it didn't do anything to lesson what was going on. He hit the wall a few times before his hands started to hurt. He stumbled back, his chest heaving with his heavy breaths. He looked down at his hands and blinked at the blood he saw on his knuckles. He went to the bathroom and washed the blood off, not even noticing the sting.

Maybe he could summon a demon? He swallowed and looked around the room, trying to see if Dean had anything he could use with him. All he saw was the bag of clothes. But then why would Dean, who was now a demon, need anything really? He growled low in his throat before marching to the door to open it. He needed blood before he went crazy. But as he grabbed the handle, the lock turned and the door whipped open causing him to stumble back and almost fall.

"Jesus, Sam! You alright?" Dean asked as he put the bags in his hands on the counter.

"Y-Yeah, I'm good." Sam nodded and closed the door, eyeing Dean. He was efficiently distracted from his blood lust.

"You look a lot better," Dean said glancing at Sam as he pulled out some pans and food.

"Yeah." Sam said, not sure on what to say.

Things got a bit awkward then. The two were within a few feet of each other but neither said anything. Sam just stood there and stared. Dean started cooking, but kept glancing at Sam from the corner of his eye.

"Why?" Sam finally got out and Dean's shoulders slumped in what seemed like relief.

"Why what?" Dean asked.

"Why'd you come for me?" Sam asked, folding his arms with a frown. Not that he wasn't happy his brother was back, that he found Sam. But could there be some ulterior motive?

"You're my brother, Sammy. Why wouldn't I come for you?" Dean retorted, not looking at Sam.

"Because you told the guy that you didn't care what happened to me. That if I died, so what." Sam spat out and could see the tension fill Dean. He'd normally feel bad for making Dean feel like he was on the spot, but this time he didn't care.

"I… did on some level at the time." Dean sighed and started plating the eggs and sausages.

"At the time?" Sam picked up on that. Did that mean Dean cared more? Less?

"When I first awoke, there was nothing but this feeling of freedom, Sammy. The pain was gone, there was no weight on my shoulders. Just… freedom." Dean said, a small smile on his lips as he put the plates on the small, round table. "But each day a bit of my humanity started to creep back and I tried to ignore, tried to go back to the part just wanted to party and didn't care, but I couldn't. So I drank more, slept with anyone who was willing, trying to drown that humanity."

Sam swallowed at the information that Dean was supplying. It was a shock to see Dean so open about himself but Sam also felt a bit of guilt. His brother had been happy, or something close to it, and now he had dragged him away from that? But that also meant there was something human in Dean, which was a good thing. Sam sat down automatically when Dean did with two glasses of juice but didn't touch his food. Just watched Dean dig in.

"Eat." Dean muttered and Sam complied but his eyes never left Dean's body. "Then I got the phone call from that asshat." Dean sighed and Sam swallowed looking down at his food. "When he threatened you, part of me screamed out that I needed to rush to save you, some part of me…" Dean trailed off and cleared his throat. "Anyway, I pushed the human part of me away. I mean, I'm a demon. I don't care about things, right? But the days that followed I started to go crazy with the conflicting feelings in me and then… I tried to call you but the line was disconnected."

Dean stopped and kept eating. Sam didn't push. He was reveling in what Dean was sharing. He couldn't remember the last time Dean had shared so much. Maybe being a demon helped Dean out a little?

"You knew the guy had me." Sam supplied, wanting to hear more.

"Yeah, but I figured you'd kick his ass or something. I didn't want to think that maybe he killed you… or worse." Dean muttered and Sam winced. "So I called Crowley. I hadn't talked to him since that day I talked to you. I was pissed at him for sending demons after me." Sam frowned in concern but Dean waved a hand in the air. "It was never a challenge. Just something to appease the mark."

"The mark is still a problem?" Sam asked and Dean sighed but nodded.

"If I don't kill regularly then it starts to drive me up the wall to kill. Just like before." Dean shrugged and Sam put his fork down. He wasn't very hungry anyway. "So Crowley said he'd look into things and he called me the next day, wanting to meet up with what he found, or didn't I should say. He gave me addresses where demons were disappearing but not being sent back to Hell. He alluded to you… being back on blood. That's when things changed completely.

"I knew something terrible was going down, Sammy and I…" Dean swallowed and leaned back in his chair. Sam knew the look. Dean was trying not to cry. It tugged at him but he didn't say anything. "I finally gave in at that moment, I think anyway, to the human part of me. Hell, even the demon part of me wanted to find you."

"What? Why?" Sam asked and Dean smirked a bit.

"You're important to every part of me, Sammy. I just pushed that all away for the longest time." Was it wrong to feel good about Dean still needing him no matter the situation? "Then I pretty much hunted around for you and then I did. You know the rest."

"So…you're what? Not a full demon?" Sam asked and Dean snorted.

"Oh, I am. I just have some humanity in me as well." Dean sighed and Sam nodded.

"So…. What went down in that barn, Sam?" Dean asked after a minute and Sam looked away, feeling a bit sick to his stomach. "Sammy?"

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry about the wait for this! I hope it was worth the wait.<strong>

**Please leave a review to let me know your thoughts. **

**-Shadow**


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